Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
