new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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