my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
