Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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