I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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