Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
