laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
