I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize