great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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