He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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