I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
