Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
