Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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