how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
