we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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