we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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