people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
