someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
