i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
