he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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