she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
