her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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