I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
