Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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