And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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