$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
