An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
