I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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