Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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