from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
