....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
