he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize