Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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