I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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