Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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