Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
