i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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