i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Even my vagina gasped.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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