Just cropdusted the office
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I think I sprained my soul last night
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
