happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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