at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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