she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
