I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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