I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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