I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
