five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
