I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
