Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
