If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
