well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
