Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
