Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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