yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize