I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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