he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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