:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
