Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
