Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
