i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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