new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
