i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I forgot wine drunk hurts
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
