He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
