my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
