i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
