I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
My penis needs a shock collar
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
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