thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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