Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
