I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
