I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
