I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
