Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
