First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
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