My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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